Prodigal Son

Do you ever wonder why its so easy for us to sin, sometimes? I mean, I've been a Christian for 14 years this month, and I've struggled with some real good ones, too. I became a Christian at 15, and didn't really get into the serious struggles that I've dealt with until after I became a Christian (drinking, smoking cigarettes... I know, I know: you had me pegged as being perfect...). Anyway, I've really been struggling with trying to get right with God. These sins that I myself insist on keeping in my life are not only affecting me, but are also deeply affecting my relationship with Him. I often wonder if a true "Christ follower" can be be called that, and still have these sins. (oh, and just a side note - I know that we will never be free from sinning until we are with him - the sins I'm talking about are the ones that are habitual and intentional) Anyway, these thoughts of how you can you call yourself a Christian and still turn to alcohol or smoking come up. In my mind, its different if you struggle with alcohol, and aren't a Christian, and THEN become a Christian, and then have to stop drinking. (oh, and ANOTHER side note - my issue is not with drinking - thats just an example...) In my case, the issues I deal with are ones that I began doing AFTER I became a Christian. I know the enemy comes in and tells me things like, "How can you be sure you're saved if you do this or that, and you do it after you've become a Christian..." Its hard to refute that argument. So, this idea has really troubled me for some time. Today, in the car, I was thinking about it, and thinking about the story of the prodigal son. How he went off, spent his inheritance, lost everything he had and came crawling back for mercy. We've all heard the story, but something hit me today. This son went off and did all these things, but even before he asked for the inheritance, even before he had sqandered it, even before he slept in the barn with the pigs, he was already his father's son. It wasn't like he went off and did these things and ceased to be his son, or when he came back to the father, THAT'S when he became his son. And not only that, but the whole time the son was away, the father would watch in the distance to see if his son was returning, just watching and waiting. I feel like God is watching and waiting for me to decide that I am going to live a Holy and righteous life. I cannot do it in my own strength, and I can't do it on someone elses strength, either. The only way its going to happen is for me to surrender it all - my whole entire life to him. He doesn't want just this issue or just that issue. He wants my whole life. And since he gave his life for me, I guess thats the least I can do for him...