So...whats the point of life, anyway?

Some of you may remember the song I posted on this blog a few weeks ago. I wrote that song about a girl who I worked with here at the bank who was diagnosed with cancer. We learned last week that she passed away on July 15. Experiencing someone dying, especially someone so young (29 years old) like my co-worker, or someone so close like my uncle really makes you stop and think about the things that are important in life, and how short life really is. The bible says life is a vapor....a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. It makes you wonder, what is the point, or the purpose of life? You know? I've lately been thinking about things like this; life and its purpose and meaning. Wondering whats the point of it all. I'm here to tell you that if you think about this long enough, and with the wrong mindset, you can get very down and depressed. I did. So in my despair I asked God to lead me to a place in the bible to read. Distinctly I heard Ecclesiates....okay, never read that. Now, this is where sometimes I think God does have a sense of humor. So, here I am lamenting about life, struggling with what to do, crying out to God for the you know what the phrase in Ecclesiates says?

The words of the Teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem:
"Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."

Aaah, God sure knows what to tell a struggling girl, huh? Ha ha ha! I'm not kidding, I read the first few chapters of this book, and actually looked toward the sky asking God, "Is this supposed to be helping me, or what?!" (It did, eventually...) Now, I've not finished the whole book yet, but its all talking about how nothing we do in this life matters. We spend so much time working, only to die and let someone else enjoy the fruit of our labor. Solomon wrote this book, and he talks about how he built great buildings and amassed great wealth, but he knows that in the end he is going to die and that none of his accomplishments or riches will follow him to heaven. So then, what is the point? What is the purpose of life? Well, I don't know............. But what I do know is this: if all the things we work for in this world fade away why should we work so hard for them. Instead, what we should really be working for is the one thing that won't fade away, that won't ever change or leave us or forsake us. I John 2:17 says, "The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever." It doesn't matter how much (or how little) money I make, or how many things I accumulate or how powerful I become, because all that will pass away when I do. All I can do is do the will of God. Besides, I figure, if I'm going to be with Him for eternity, I better do what HE wants.....or I may never hear the end of it.......LITERALLY! :)


Blah, blah, blah...

And now its time for another update that can only be considered an update in the most general of terms as, technically, there is no ‘up’ to ‘date.’ Ha ha ha, I know…that makes no sense, but it was fun to write anyway. What I meant is that there isn’t much going on here. I started going through my things this weekend. I’m not driving to Phoenix when I go; I’m shipping my car and flying out there. This means I can’t load my car up with my stuff, and so I have to ship everything out there. This also means, I’m getting rid of most everything I own because I don’t really want to mail it all. So, as I’m going through my stuff I begin to find stuff that I’ve held on to for several moves now, and I think – I’ve not used this in two or three years….I’m getting rid of it. Okay, that’s hard for me guys! Like I had a whole box of stationary that I’ve had for a really long time, probably like 5 years or so….have any of you ever received a card or letter from me? NO!! So, that’s going. My electric guitar (that I really don’t even know how to play…) and my amp are going. Hopefully I can sell those. My bed, dishes, futon, table, chairs, my beloved Tupperware furniture...all going. I hope to have a garage sale, or find someone who really needs it and I can give it to them. Anyway, that was my Saturday. Sunday I drove around looking for boxes in dumpsters around where I live. I didn’t find any. I didn’t look hard, though, so that could be a reason. So, with no boxes to put it in, I have piles of this crap lying around my house. And if that weren’t enough, my mom called on Saturday and said, “Its 102 degrees here today, but its not that bad, and you can go sit in the pool and cool off and…..blah, blah blah.” I said, “Mom, I’m already moving out there, okay? You don’t have to lie to me anymore about how the heat isn’t that bad, because I already know its going to be miserable…” She laughed and said, “Yeah, its pretty miserable…” Great, I think I'd rather her go back to lying...


Sorry Nichole...

Yes, I am about to plagarize... I have been talking a lot about how we as Christians don't talk about the things that we struggle with, while we're in the midst of the struggle. I was on Nichole Nordeman's website today, reading through some of the awesome stuff she has out there (click here to check it out) and I came across this. This is the inspiration behind the song called "We Build."

Christians are an odd group.

We model our lives after this total revolutionary, a rebel who
turned the whole system of religion on its ear. We follow the teachings of this
man who pulled people out of the closets where they hid, and singled out the
most broken and unlovely, the lowest of the low, to make a point. God loves
every last corner of your dark and terrified heart. We write books about coming
clean before God. We write songs about not pretending anymore. We use words like
intimate and vulnerable to describe the way we should interact with one another.

And then. We hide. We go home and shut the door and hide the
worst of it from God and each other. Have you ever noticed that nobody stands up
in church and says, “I have bulimia. I can’t stop. I don’t know how.”

Have you ever noticed that nobody looks across the table from
you at lunch and says, “I have a real problem with internet porn,” or “
Lately, I can’t stop lying. I lie about everything.” But you will hear about
all that later. You’ll hear it about each of those stories and more on the
other side of deliverance. It’s okay to stand up and say, “I used to have a
problem with bulimia/internet porn/lying, but God has freed me from that
bondage and I’m here to testify about it.” And then everybody has a big
Hallelujah moment and claps for you.

Not too long ago, my husband and I hit a really rough patch in
our marriage. Not the “go to bed not speaking” kind of rough patch, but more of
an “I don’t know if we’re going to get through this” kind of crisis. It had been
building for some time, and the issues were deep and painful for both of us. I
sat down to write a song about us, and what love requires. I wanted to write
about staying (because neither of us felt like it)…and building something
(because we both were systematically tearing it down). I wanted to remind myself
that I made promises that weren’t attached to emotion (because neither of us
“felt” anymore). I wanted to tell the truth about the situation as it was, not
after it was better.

If I had waited, I probably would have written a far more
beautiful song. It would be an inspirational song, probably with a bunch of
imagery about how our love, with God’s help, can weather any storm, blah, blah.
Maybe people would have sung it at weddings, I don’t know. But it felt better
not to hide this time. It felt better to come clean to our friends during the
crisis, and not after. It felt better not to wait until we could give a
testimony about it, until God had saved the day (Which He did). Marriage is
hard. It is also a total joyride. But it’s hard. Errol and I have both said that
we wished somebody had prepared us a bit more. They probably tried, and we were
too busy picking out dishes. Maybe this song is a step in that direction. Any
roof worth living under is gonna take some work to build.


Who would have thunk it?

Its hard to think that this time three years ago, just 36 measly, short months ago, I was living in Colorado Springs, attending Higher Praise and Worship Church and not really thinking too much about the future, or what God had in store for me. I was growing in the Lord, and learning more and more about him each day. I was being stretched in my worship of Him, in my thought process about Him and in my relationship with Him. Things were good. Then, I remember two years ago I was in the emotional thralls of preparing to move across the country to start a church. I had one emotional breakdown after another from wondering what God was doing in my life, to wondering whether God was even real. I had real bouts of anxiety and depression all wrapped up with actually being excited about moving to Detroit. I said goodbye to some of the best friends anyone could have and set off on the adventure of a lifetime. Life was exciting. Last year I was getting settled into Detroit. I had just finished one of the hardest years of my life trying to get adjusted to being away from family, not having very many friends and trying figure out what it was God was calling me to do. We had decided to help an existing church in Detroit as opposed to starting a church of our own. I was playing guitar in the church, being stretched in my playing and actually getting to be able to play by ear. I was learning that its okay to lift my hands in worship to God. For me, the church stuff was going pretty good, but I was still wondering why God had brought me all this way. This brings me to today. Its hard to try to cram three years of life into a few sentences, but I only metioned all that to say this: God is unpredictable. Just when you think you have things figured out he does something to bring you out of your comfort zone. He brings you to a place where you have no one else to trust but Him. On March 30 my Uncle Bob died suddenly of a massive heart attack while on vacation in Hawaii. I went to the funeral in Arizona, and for the first time I didn't really want to come back to Detroit. I wasn't ready. On previous trips to Phoenix, I've been READY to get back here, but this time I wasn't. I didn't know it yet, but God was moving. When everything happened with the church here, I really started to question what I was supposed to do. I started feeling like maybe it's time to leave Michigan and go back to Colorado. Actually, thats what I was hoping for, but that wasn't the case. It felt like God was leading me to move to Phoenix... Arizona..... Hot and ugly. What?? No, God couldn't possibly be moving me in that direction because that is NOT what I want to do. And isn't there a verse that says God will give you the desires of your heart? (Yes, Psalm 37:4) So, I held on to that verse thinking.....knowing......PRAYING that God will not make me do what I don't want to do. Thats when God gave me the desire of my heart: but instead of letting me stay in Michigan which is what the desire of my heart had been, he changed the desire in my heart. He GAVE me the desire of my heart! He changed my heart from wanting to stay in Michigan to wanting to move to Phoenix. Trust me when I say, ONLY God could do that!! Phoenix is hot (my Mom said it was 116 there this week), dry, sandy, ugly, big, far and I want to go there. So, it looks like sometime at the end of the year I'll be heading out on a new adventure......another adventure.....or perhaps a continuation of the adventure I'm currently on. Whatever the adventure is: I definitely know these three things: 1. That God is truly leading and guiding me in this decision. 2. That He will go with me wherever I go and 3. No matter what anyone says: I'm going to freaking MELT!!!