Surrender

Good morning.

I woke up early today and couldn't go back to sleep, so I thought I'd try writing what I think God has been trying to say the last few days.

Should be interesting, seeing as I'm a bit tired...

I love this journey that I am on. Its frustrating at times. There are times when I wish I would just know what it is God wants me to know so I can move on from here. But the mere fact that I am desiring and longing for more from Him is encouraging to me. Makes me feel like He isn't satisfied with where I'm at either, and that He is still working on me. That is amazing.

This past week I've been seeking as to how to have a broken heart before God. Or even to just be broken. I didn't know how to do that. And I still don't, to be quite honest. But I'm starting to think that maybe its not a matter of ME becoming broken. Maybe it is a matter of me surrendering my heart to him and letting him do the work on it. I do feel like I've given everything over to him, but I know there are parts of my life that I take back when things get hard or when things look uncertain. So maybe this process of rending my heart is more about surRENDering my heart. It may be something I have to do several times a day at first. Maybe even several times an hour.

But I have to do it.

I have to be able to be effective for Him.

I may be the only representation of God some people will ever see. I will be their only experience with Him. For their sake, I can't afford to miss it.

I do love this journey. Frustrating and discouraging as it may be at times, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt WHY I'm going through it. God isn't going to let me settle for the kind of relationship I've always had with him.

He wants more.

So do I.