An awesome weekend

Okay, so I have a new resolve. I have a particular 'thing'; a sin that I have struggled with since I was 17 years old. I won't go in to what it is here, because 1. I'm not ready to reveal it to the world.....and 2. what it is isn't important to the new resolve. Well, over the last few months this problem has escalated in my life, and I've done some things that I've never done before and really just didn't care too much that I was doing it. Anyway, I know that I am not alone in this particular struggle - and that many of us have things in our lives that keep us from the sort of relationship with God that he really wants to have with us. Anyway, this weekend was really cool. I had gone to visit a friend in TN, and it seems like God orchestrated the whole time to deal with me on this issue. All weekend things came up in conversation, in church and in dreams that God really wants me to address this issue in my life. Now, I have been feeling a range of emotion from guilt and condemnation to apathy where I just didn't even care that I was sinning. I had a dream over the weekend. A lot of times I don't remember my dreams, but this one I did. I was with my brother (which is weird, since I don't HAVE a brother) and he said we should rob the neighbors house across the street. For some reason I went along with the idea, and soon he had picked the lock and we were inside. I was going for the small stuff in the closet and on the counter. He was going crazy getting big stuff. So, then I hear the people rousing upstairs and I hide in the closet. I figure I better leave, so as I go outside, and the people are having a garage sale, so in order to be nonchalant, I go and talk to the lady of the house. After a brief conversation, I go back to my house and check out my loot. I found a little coin purse with like $200 in it and at first I was really excited, but then I thought, I can't spend this money, its not mine, and I decided that I needed to go to the lady and give her back what I had taken and confess it to her. I was so scared that she was going to be upset with me. I go outside and now there is a huge lake in between my house and her house. So I swim across and start talking to the lady, scared out of my wits, and when I tell her what I had done she didn't react in the way that I thought she would. I mean, she wasn't happy that I had done it, but she was happy that I had come clean and made things right. Okay, this is what I got from the dream - sometimes when Ihave these sins that I deal with, whatever it may be, I don't know how God is going to react when I come to him. Is he going to be angry? Is he going to be disappointed? Basically, I have an image of God that isn't an accurate image at all. Somehow I think that God is going to be upset or disappointed when I come to him about it, so I don't go to him at all. But the thing is, I don't really have to worry about how he is going to react, because if I read his word, his reaction is in there.

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.
Eph. 1:7,8

and

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
I John 1:8,9

Remember the prodigal son? He had gone off and squandered his inheritance, and lived any way he pleased, and where did it get him? Living and eating with pigs. He couldn't take it anymore. The bible says:

So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.

Luke
15:20-24

God wants me to come to him. Thats it; plain and simple. He isn't going to bring up the things in my past. In fact, he threw a party because the son had come back. Now, does this mean there aren't consequences for our sins? No. There are going to be consequences for our sin, but the price for those sins has already been paid. All through this past weekend the theme was the same, in fact, I had the dream on Saturday night, told my friend about it Sunday morning, then at church, part of the message was talking about how we view God. So, it took me going to TN to hear him, I'm really glad that I did. Anyway, this was really long....I appreciate that you're still reading! I leave for Phoenix a week from today!! Then I get to see Noelle and my new little niece! YAY!!