Being Rended...

I'm still in the process. The rending process, that is.

Its not as fun as I had originally hoped.

Of course when you think of the word "rend" (being torn apart) I don't know why I would have thought it would be fun in the first place.

So, for the first few days since God dropped this phrase on me, I didn't know what to do. I knew God wanted my heart broken, but how do you do that?

I began to pray, Lord, break my heart. Or if I have to do it, show me how.

Its not that I don't want to be broken, I just don't know how.

So He has really shown me some things over the last few days. Some things I really need to work on.

1. Pride. That was a hard pill to swallow (why do you think that is....pride, perhaps?) ha! Pride comes in different forms. I tend to think of pride as thinking of yourself as better than someone else, or something like that. But it doesn't have to be that. It could be being 'shy' and not wanting to socialize with people for whatever reason. Wondering if people like me. Caring if they like me. When it all boils down, its pride, and I need to work on it.

2. Judging. I heard this at church yesterday. Honestly didn't think it applied to me, because I'm really not judgmental. Or so I thought. The pastor starting going through his checklist of what makes you judgmental. I think I could put a check mark beside each thing he mentioned. I don't remember them all, but one of them was finding faults in people. Little tiny microscopic faults. I don't do it all the time - but I still do sometimes. It needs to stop.

I had a #3 yesterday - but for the life of me I can't remember what it is today. I guess God figures I have enough to work on for right now.

So instead of being prideful, I want to be selfless. I want to open myself up to people and not worry about what might happen. I want to give of myself without any thought of what I might get in return. I want to know that I have pure and clean motives. I want to be an encouragement to others, and not judge them. I want people to see God instead of me. I want to see people the way God sees them, and love them like he does. If I can't do that, then I'm no good to him. Luckily, I'm still breathing, so there is still time to get this right. And I believe Gods word when it says, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

He's not finished with me quite yet.

Thank God!