In over my head?

I'm not a quitter. When I say I'm going to do something - generally I do it. (Unless its the gym - yeah that lasted like 3 days). Tonight I started a 2 year bible/leadership course at my church. I'm pretty excited. I was pretty excited. Well, I'm still pretty excited, its just that - I don't know what I'm doing there. I'm not planning on being in any form of leadership any time soon. Some of the people in the class have been in ministry, are currently in ministry....want to be in ministry. I guess we're all called to be ministers, but..... Why did I sign up? Thats what I said! No really, I had heard about it a while ago and thought, Wow, that is something I'd like to do. This summer I decided I would try to go back to college and that I wouldn't have time for this course. Well, school fell through and I felt like God said, "Now you have the time. I want you to do this." I sure hope that was him and that I'm not doing this to fulfill some selfish desire to complete this course just to complete it.....anyway. Well, the first thought I had as we're sort of going through the introductions is that, Man, I am SO out of place. I wanted to quit. Sorry, I've made a mistake - have a good year. SEE YA SUCKA'S!!! I won't do that, but its what I was thinking. Anyway - I'm still excited about it. I am pretty sure everyone in the class is married....and I'm single. Thats ok. I don't care. (I probably wouldn't have metioned it if I REALLY didn't care, huh?) I'm not going to quit. I quit the gym, thats enough for this month.

I don't know - you choose the title....

I'm sure I'm not the first one to come up with this "new" thought. Sometimes I have to "choose" to feel or act a certain way, even if I don't really feel that way. Case in point (and I apologize in advance to any male readership - you know who you are...) you know "that week" during "that time" of the month? Well, as I get older I'm finding I'm getting more and more emotional during that time. Not all crying and boo-hooing either. No, one day I'll be sad, but then the next I'll be very annoyed, and then I'll be very angry, and then I'll be depressed, and then I'll finally figure out what week it is, and I'll calm down (a little). Can I hear an AMEN?! Or, another case in point - shyness. Okay, I call some of my recent behavior being shy. You know, standing back and watching group interactions from a distance. Being in a group, but not being a part of the group. Not wanting to stretch myself enough to actually reach out and make new friends. I call it shy, God calls it something else. Pride? Stuck-up-iveness... I think I've said I'm shy because that makes me feel better about not talking to anyone at church or work.

You know, I can be so stinking selfish, too. That is one thing I really want to work on. Something I really need to work on. I tell myself that I am entitled to these feelings and that I can act in whatever manner I choose. But I can't. I just can't. Not only is it not fair to my friends, but my life is supposed to be a living testimony to those around me. To those closest to me. To those who need to see Him through me, because they're not going to see Him anywhere else. I have to keep myself in check, you know?

God was impressing that on me this morning. How can I be a living testimony and I have an attitude, or I'm depressed, or I'm fill in the blank. THEN, once I am a testimony and someone asks about God, how am I supposed to respond if I haven't even been in His word the last week? *sigh* Okay, so back to my initial thought: Sometimes I have to "choose" to feel or act a certain way, even if I don't really feel that way. I may feel shy - but God says that he has not given us a spirit of timidity. I may feel depressed or down - but God says rejoice in the Lord always.

DISCLAIMER: Oh, one last thought - I'm totally not saying that we should suppress our feelings or anything like that. I'm saying that personally I have a tendency to let my emotions control me - and for ME, these are things I, myself need to work on.

Grandpa - William Gill

Four months ago, while I was in Colorado for Memorial Day, my grandfather, Bill Gill, was playing golf and threw out his back. While at the doctor it was discovered that he hadn't actually thrown out his back, but rather he had cancer in his bones, lungs and liver.

He lost his battle with the disease yesterday morning. He was 75 years old.

Please pray for my family (my mom, aunt and uncles and grandmother specifically) during this time. Thank you so much.

Halloween

Okay, before you start lecturing me on how sinful Halloween is....I know. I really do. I'm still dressing up, though. For those who feel I'm sinning....pray for me (I need it).

I want to be something really cool. I really REALLY want to be Jack Sparrow....but I haven't gotten up the courage to dress like a man in front of people at my church. (I assume we are having a Harvest festival....I haven't heard yet) Even still - thats the coolest thing I can come up with. I don't have my Jedi costume anymore, though I am not against making another one.

What do you think I should be? I really want something different....like me.

Discuss.

Beth Moore Videos

Okay, so this clip is from the Siesta Fiesta - the question: What was your most difficult parenting situation with your girls when they were younger?

Here is another clip from the Fiesta and the question is: What music is on your iPod?

Hmmm

Why is it that when we are caught up doing something we shouldn't be doing, we wait for someone we don't even know to tell us something we already do know, when all the time the One who does know already said No.

Texas Photos, video and more!

Erika, Lily and I

Me and Erika

Again....

Lilybug

Amanda, Beth, Melissa

This was one of about ten of these sized group photos taken. I'm the one who stands out like a sore green thumb!

A group shot....can you see me?

There I am!

Lastly, here is the video of the thunderstorm I saw from the plane. Obviously the video does not do it justice at all... **okay just watched the video - SO not as good as the real thing was...**

Living Proof Live

Hey All - I am writing this out long have on the plane coming home from San Antonio TX. I was there for 2 reasons this weekend. One was to visit my friend and college roommate, Erika Gray. I had not seen her in over 4 years and hadn't seen her daughter Lily since she was 2 months old. She is now a beautiful 4 1/2 year old who can actually READ! She was pretty much potty trained at like 6 months old (ask Erika....I still don't know how she did that) Anyway it was really good to see Erika and Lily.

The other reason I went to San Antonio was for a Living Proof Live event. As a blogger, this was an extra special event for me. I may have mentioned Beth Moore's blog in previous posts before (its on my side bar under Other Places I Visit). Anyway on their blog Betha nd her daughters, Amanda and Melissa write about faith, life and whatever comes to mind. Those who frequent the blog Beth calls siestas (go to the site to see why...) So this weekend they decided to pair the Living Proof Live event with a blogger event called the Siesta Fiesta. There were probably 1000 bloggers there. We got to take some group photos with Beth and her daughters and it was SO refreshing to see how down to earth and "normal" they are...

I'll have to speak more about what Beth talked about at the Living Proof Live event later - I still need to process it all myself.

There was a cool lightning storm that I could see from the plane tonight. I'm going to post a video of it - if it came out. :)

Here I am!!

Well, I'm in San Antonio! I'm staying here with Erika Gray who was my roommate in crime - wait no, in college...yeah, that's it! We stayed up lsst night until nearly 3:00am catching up and reminiscing...

Tonight is the first night of the Beth Moore conference and I'm REALLY excited. Erika can't go, so I'll be there solo. Still great fun.

I'm posting from my phone and can't post pictures here till I get home but I am remembering how my hair and humidity don't mesh well (insert frizzy headed picture here)

More to come!

I'm on my way

Well everyone, this is it. I'm leaving this evening for the Siesta Fiesta held in San Antonio TX. While there I'm going to also be visiting with Erika, one of my closet an oldest friends. Anyway - Its 3:30 am right now...I haven't packed. I hate mornings, but wanted to give this short little update.

I'm going to be sending pictures from the road on Facebook, so if you're on - check it out. If not - JOIN! :)