Random thoughts

So, I took the plunge tonight. I did. I didn't even plug my nose before diving in.... I joined a gym! My church had a fundraiser for the youth where you could get 3 months for $20 (and a deal at that!!) I signed up for a year.....so if I'm still going strong in 4 months - I'll want a prize! :) Yeah, yeah, yeah, being able to see my own toes will be prize enough...

Another bit of information - I'm going to see Beth Moore in San Antonio, TX in like 2 1/2 weeks! I'm so excited. I've meet a ton of people on her blog and there is going to be a special section at the conferece for all the bloggers to go. I'm totally excited. PLUS, I'll get to see Erika and her daughter Lily whom I haven't seen in about 4 years. Oh, and if Erika asks, I'm going to see HER not Beth Moore.... :)

Our church had their grand opening this weekend, and it was amazing! It really was! You could really feel the presence of God in that place.

Umm, I guess thats it. Hope you're doing well!!!

This is home

I visited Colorado Springs back in May. I had been looking forward to it for weeks. I had to be at the airport very early...I left my house at 3:30 am to get there (and I still almost missed the plane...) Not only would I be seeing some old friends from the Springs, but Yatron and Pastor Weatherly were going to be there and I hadn't seen them since they left Detroit last August.

If you know me at all, you know I'm barely functioning in the morning. Don't like the mornings, never will. So this particular morning I'm driving to the airport and turn on the radio (to keep me awake) and the song that comes on is called, This is Home, by Switchfoot. If I hadn't been running late I would have pulled over, cause that song hit me that morning.

I've been in AZ for about 10 months, now. Since I've been in here, I've thought about the good 'ol days. Whether its back in college in Alamosa, Colorado and hanging out with friends from church and school there. Or being in Colorado Springs and hanging out with everyone from Compassion and church there. I've even thought back to Detroit and how, even though it didn't end up well for me in Detroit, I still had a family of believers that I could call if I needed to. I think that is why I was so excited to go to Colorado Springs, that weekend. I wanted to get back to the good 'ol days. I hadn't heard this song before that morning. Maybe it wouldn't have affected me so strongly if I had. I realized that I can't go back to how it was. People change, they move, they grow up, they grow apart. Lives go on, cities change, plans change. Maybe I haven't settled in here yet, but thats mostly my fault. I've gotten shy in my old age (some of you can't believe it - others can...). Blah, blah, blah, anyway, all that is to say that I know that God brought me to Arizona. He directed me to my church and gave me a job. He's asking me to lean on him for everything, right now. I'm going to do it, too... Really, I am. I have no other choice. I know he loves me, and I know he has only the best in store for me. I am not going to dwell on the past, and wish things were like they used to be. The truth is when I left Alamosa, Colorado Springs, and Detroit - I was SO READY to leave. I wasn't happy there. Each new place I go I think, "Man, things were so good in Alamosa..." I'm SUCH an Israelite in that sense. I would rather go back into slavery then spend time, free, in the wilderness. Okay, I blah blah'ed like 5 sentences ago, and I'm still talking. I'm done. Here are the lyrics to the song. If you haven't heard it yet, listen to it.

This is Home - Switchfoot
I’ve got my memories
Always inside of me
But I can’t go back
Back to how it was

I believe now
I’ve come too far
No I can’t go back
Back to how it was

Created for a place I’ve never known
This is home
Now I’m finally Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I’ve been searching
For a place of my own
Now I’ve found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home

Belief over misery
I’ve seen the enemy
And I won’t go back
Back to how it was

And I got my heart Set on What happens next
I got my eyes wide It’s not over yet
We are miracles And we’re not alone

Yeah This is home
Now I’m finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home

I’ve been searching
For a place of my own
Now I’ve found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home

And now after all My searching
After all my questions I’m gonna call it home
I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see
The sunset
I’m gonna call it home
Home

Arizona.....

The time is now 5:49 in the morning. The temperature outside is 92 degrees...at 5:49 in the morning...

What else is there to say?

Letting it Go

I have a talented dog. You might remember a post several months ago where she is showing off a new trick (click here to see it). Anyway, in this video is my dog and her ball. She wants me to throw her the ball, but she won't give it to me... well, you'll see...

This is my dog Babe. She is pretty annoying most of the time - but we still love her. She is never far from one of her tennis balls, and someone is always throwing it for her. Her big thing is that she wants you to take the ball from her. You can't just have a nice game of fetch with Babe, you have to wrestle that ball from her, and she will not let it go until SHE is ready for you to have it. In the video, when I pretended like I didn't want the ball, she put it down. The instant I went to get it, though she picked it right back up and wouldn't let me have it. And so we play this game over, and over, and over AND OVER each and every night!!! Sigh......I do love that dog, though...

I was thinking about that today and thought, man, that is SO how I am with God. There are things in my life that I have asked, begged, pleaded, bargained and prayed for God to take out of my life - and He hasn't. I've told myself I don't know why He hasn't taken these things from me, but I DO. I know why. I'm not giving it to Him. I want to give it to Him. Right now, at this very moment, typing this I want Him to have every part of my life. But later, maybe tomorrow...maybe the next day I'm going to want to take those areas of my life back from Him. Like Babe with the ball, I want Him to take it from me. I'm saying, "Here God, I want you to have this part of me that I've never given you before," and then when He goes to take it, I won't let go. I hold on to that thing like that ball of Babe's. God doesn't want to wrestle things out of our lives. He wants us to give it up freely to Him. He wants us to WANT to give it to Him, and then leave it with Him.

The sin in our lives is just that: sin IN our lives. I am a child of GOD who has sin IN her life. (bear with me, but I'm about to use ANOTHER analogy...) Okay, lets say you have a bowl of Potato Cheese soup (the best soup out there, if I may say so myself). Now, lets say I put some pepper in that soup - does it then become Pepper Potato Cheese soup? No, its just Potato Cheese soup with some pepper IN it. Or what if something weird happened....like a bug flew into the soup. Is it now Potato and Bug Cheese soup? Eewwww, but no, its soup with a bug in it. I know it sounds sort of dumb, but that is how we (or at least I) view myself in Christ. I am not a Sinning Child of God. I am a child of God who has sin IN her life. If I never conquer the sin in my life - I will STILL be a Child of God. Nothing will change that. What I do is not who I am. I have to remember that. I HAVE to remember that. I cannot live the life God has intended for me to live with the thought in the back of my mind that I am not good enough to live it. If not for God's grace, His mercy, His unfailing love for us - where would any of us be?

Wow

Okay, I got goosebumps after this. It is really good and you ALL should watch it! (thanks Holly!!)

I might have teared up a little too, but don't tell anyone...

when God speaks

So, I was supposed to write this post on Friday...but I didn't, sorry.

Do you ever wake up in the morning with a song in your head? Or while you're doing something in the middle of the day you realize there is a song in your head that you haven't heard in a while? And you think, Hmm, why is THAT song in my head, I haven't heard it in a while... (mind you, I'm not talking about having the last song you listened to in your car on your way to work, or the song that woke you up on your clock radio...this is a random song that I haven't heard for a while...). Well, I've learned to listen to these songs that seem to get stuck in my head from nowhere because several times the particular song that is stuck in my "coincedentally" speaks to whatever it is that I may be going through at that time. I think it is a way that God tries to speak to me when He knows that I won't be diving into the Word... (which is awesome in itself, that he speaks to me in my disobedience)

All that to say, this happened to me Friday. This is a song by Relient K called, I So Hate Consequences. I love Relient K - they're pretty darn awesome....anyway. I was singing this song in my cube for about 10 minutes before I realized that maybe God was speaking to me through it. Here is the part that was stuck in my head:

When I got tired of running from you
I stopped right there to catch my breath
There your words they caught my ears
You said, “I miss you son. Come home”
And my sins, they watched me leave
And in my heart I so believed
The love you felt for me was mine
The love I’d wished for all this time
And when the doors were closed
I heard no I told you so’s
I said the words I knew you knew
"Oh God, Oh God I needed you
God all this time I needed you, I needed you"

And I so hate consequences
And running from you is what my best defense is
I hate these consequences
Cause I know that I let you down
And I don't wanna deal with that

I'm humbled that God chooses to speak to me when I hadn't spoken to Him. That he doesn't give up on me when I want to give up on him. And that he loves me too much to let me fall to far away from him.

How does God speak to you?

Faith part 3

Okay all. You know - I have to say this. I fear that the majority of my Christian experience has been based on emotion. You know - like, worshipping God at church when the music is just right and I have the tinglies. Oh I sure know how to come to Him when I am in despair or having an anxious moment. But what about now? Things are going pretty good for me right now (well aside from this crisis of faith). My prayer life falls off durong these times. Why? Because I don't feel I need anything from God right now. I have this desire to know more about God, yet don't really feel like spending time in His word. Yeah I know that the way to get to know someone is by spending time with them and that the same holds true for God. Just because I don't physically feel the goosebumps on my arms when I pray, doesn't mean he is not there. Just because perhaps I don't get all riled up in church like perhaps I have in the past doesn't mean that God has somehow left or His presence has left me or that He doesn't love me...His word is true whether I feel it or not. Its true whether I believe it or not. And you know what - I'm going choose to believe it whether I like it or not!

Believing God

Okay real quick:
At the suggestion of someone I've started reading Beth Moore's Believing God. I really want to share an excerpt with you that I read yesterday:

"If you want to be full of faith, don't argue with a legalist! Love them. Serve side by side with them if God wills. Don't judge them. And don't argue with them! Unbelief is highly contagious. Nothing is logicals about miracles. To the degree that we debate matters of faith, we could find ourselves drained of it. We are not called to debate faith but to do it. To be nouns turned into verbs. Presently. Actively.
Keep seeking. Keep believing. I am convinced that the pure-hearted, faith-filled petitioner is going to behold a miracle. Whether lesser or greater, temporal or eternal, wonder never cease.

Faith - Part 2

You know - in the Bible there are many, many times when a prohpet or teacher was relaying a message to the people and when they did so, often times they would begin by telling of what God had done for them in the past. I think in my current situation - I need to do that for myself. I'm posting it here so that there is no question to me (or anyone else, for that matter) that God 1. exists and 2. that he absolutely is who He says He is.

What God has Done for Me
1. I survived my birth even with being born blue, having no amniotic fluid when the doctor went to break the water, and not knowing how to eat on my own.
2. God has kept me in at least 2 cases that I am aware of from possibly being kidnapped.
3. He has kept me from harm in 3 car accidents.
4. He revealed himself to me when I absolutely needed him to.
5. He has never left me without earthly friendships.
6. He protected me in Detroit when there was gunfire a few houses from where I was standing - outside, alone and at night...
7. He has kept me through 2 surgeries
8. He has always kept a roof over my head and food on my table.
9. He protected me when my apartment was broken into in Detroit
10. He protected me in Alamosa when I thought my apartment had been broken into.
11. He protected me the COUNTLESS times I slid in my car on icy roads.
12. He protected me in several instances where common sense would have told others to get out of there...and I didn't
13. He provided a doctor who treated me on an ongoing basis in Alamosa for free.
14. He kept me safe from online predators.

I know I could keep going...but I don't know if I need to. I think its pretty clear. As I was typing this a verse came to mind:

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
2 Cor. 4:8,9

How true, huh? We ARE hard pressed on EVERY side. We have bills, jobs, kids, worries, anxieties, fears, doubts, and all that before lunch! So we are hard pressed, but you know what - we are NOT crushed. To me that means that while we struggle with things like lacking faith, it is NOT going to be the end. Some of you who have left comments (thank you, by the way) have said that its normal to question God - He expects it almost. Oh to have the childlike faith that I used to have when I was....well, a child.

Okay, I'm beginning to ramble...I am a bit tired, I suppose.................*snore*

Faith

Have you ever driven around for a few days with the gas light on in your car? You figure, I can go for another day or so - but actually running out of gas is a constant threat. Well, friends, let me tell you something - my gas light has been on for a while now - I just don't know where to go to fill up. I'm talking about faith, and truthfully, I could use your help here.

Okay, please let me start by saying that I am not ready to throw in the towel, or give up on this whole Christianity thing. Far from it. I've been dealing with this area of faith for a while now - and and seeking advice from you.

So, what is faith? Dictionary.com defines faith as: 1. confidence in a person or thing; 2. belief that is not based on proof. Belief that is not based on proof - ouch. I'm one of those people who wants proof (not that knowing what the Lord has done for me isn't proof enough...). I want to see it to believe it. Anyway - I digress - so, what does the bible say about faith?

Hebrews 1:1-3 "1Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. 2This is what the ancients were commended for. 3By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible."

2 Cor. 5:7 says "We live by faith, not by sight."

Heb 1:6 "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. "

I thought there was a verse that said something like, "To each one he gave a measure of faith." I can't find that verse. It may not exist, but thats the one I'm trying to find.

Okay - here is what I'm asking. 1. Have you ever been where I'm at before? 2. How do you get more faith? 3. What are your ideas on this subject? Please let me know what you think - I'm going to research too. :) Thanks!